The return of the good witch

Well, its been some time since I last posted. Not a ton has changed since I was last here. I went to Seattle to visit my daughter Chelsea last weekend. We took my niece Justice with us. It was pretty fun. Went downtown on the bus and did some shopping. Drank a few beers with Barry and ate some good food. Dan went and visited his friends too. He just found out yesterday that for sure he is Caiden's Dad. I think he was a little surprised, but overall I think he knew. So, now we set him up with visits and payments for the next 18yrs. Poor guy. Saddled himself with a little one way too early. On the upside, I'ma Gramma now and hopefully I will get to see him soon. He's going on 7mths now so we have missed quite a bit already. Kind of sad but what can you do. The kids mom hasn't been very cooperative, that's for sure. Other things happening in my life are work is good. I just had a minor review with my manager who says I am doing great so that's cool. I am just trying to do really well so I can get a raise. Eventually I will want a different position, but for now I will settle for more money. My friend Colin contacted me yesterday and wanted me to do this spiritual survey with him. Its like a way for him to evaluate where a peson is on their spiritual path and how they might develope it further I suppose. Its all Christian based which is fine with me because there is a good foundation there when you peel away all the crap the world has added to it. I've bee reading some Taoism lately and I like the ideas they have. One I am reading now is based on the idea that you have the power to change your destiny by the thoughts you allow to control your life. If you change the thought energy you can afford many positive changes. I like to think I can control my own outcomes to a certain degree. By connecting to the divine in this way you let your desires be known and put out the vibrations into the world to come back to you when you are open enough to recieve them. I feel strongly that tapping into the positive energy flow is what keeps you focused and open to new realities. Believeing that you deserve this alternate reality is the challenging part. Learning that you are a valuable piece of the puzzle is one of the toughest obstacles to success that you must overcome. I'm not talking about financial success or success in the work place. I am talking about success as a human being. To lead a happy successful life, you must know yourself and trust in something bigger than yourself to open your eyes to the truth in the world around you. You can accomplish this thru many different meditations and rituals but they must be practiced with regularity and faithfulness. Opening yourself up to possiblitites greater than your regular perception of the world is what makes it work.


Meditation for postive energy:

Sit in a chair with your feet on the floor and your palms resting lightly on your thighs. Close your eyes and breathe in deeply through your nose exhaling thru your mouth in a slow controled manner. At the same time imagine your spine lengthening and shooting roots down toward the floor. Really focus on feeling grounded to this spot through your tail bone. As your body begins to relaxz, focus more and more on your breathing. As you breathe in imagine a small white globe in front of you that is getting bigger and brighter with each breath. Now imagine it floating over you and all of a sudden it breaks over your head and all that pure white light washes over you filling you with joy, peace and a strong positive energy. As it washes over you imagine that all the negative energy you are harboring is displaced and slides right off in the path of the white light. Slowly, return you breathing to normal, place your palms on the seat next to you and focus on letting the last of the negative energy run off your fingertips. Spend a couple minutes letting your mind return to the present. ITs important to make sure you return slowly or you may feel slightly sick. Give thanks and continue with your day. Do this meditation once a day for 13 days in a row. That's all for now.

Camp out in North Idaho

Went camping in North Idaho this past weekend. We stayed up above Kingston at mile marker 36. The spot was great with a creek running through it and a river on the other side of the road that you could walk down to. The creek was really rocky and full of log jams so it was alot of fun to climb around on and explore. We got up there early on Friday morning. We originally went up higher around mile marker 45 but the bugs were so thick up that high that we came back down to the spot where we stayed. Turned out to be a good idea because there were no bugs at all and the site was great. The only downfall was no fires due to the extremely dry conditions out there. So, before we went back down to the site we stayed at, we let the dogs swim in the river for a while. Lo and behold, Jake is a huge fan of swimming. He needed no encouragement to just jump right in and swim a few laps. One time he almost swam all the way across the river before turning around to come back. He was so tired by the time we got home yesterday. I think we finally wore him out. He was so good about staying with us the whole time though and never really wandering away very far. What a good dog he is! Anyway, the second day we hiked up to these waterfalls that we had to drive to first. They were about five miles away and then you hiked in about half a mile. The falls were gorgeous. The kind that come from way up high in the forest. The rocks they came over were huge and made of some kind of sediment rock that was all in alot of layers. Slate or something like that I think. Anyway, everything was totally mossy and green and wet. Beautiful. There were two of them. One on top of the other so you could go to the top one and look down over the other one. Very peaceful in there too. We went up fairly early so no one else was really around. The dogs had a great time again just climbing around and having a good sniff over everything. Kipp seemed to have a good time too and relaxed alot. I have come to the conclusion that I really need to stop smoking. The way I feel in the morning lately is not pleasant and I get the distinct feeling it is holding me back physically alot. Mentally it is making me sluggish and I am just tired of myself so I am going to try. If nothing else cutting back to just a social thing will help.Well, its about time to get ready for work so I will sign off for now.

A Strange Dream

I have been hanging out at work with this guy named Jeff and a girl named Jennie. They are both pretty cool. I like them alot. Jeff is in a band, he's the singer and Jennie is also very musical. They both fit my personality pretty well as far as strangers go. Its hard to know people for sure when you only see their work face. One things for sure, they both like to have a good time. Jeff in particular likes to drink alot. I found out yesterday that he has been dating a co-worker in secret for some time now and that was kind of shocking. I am not paying attention, cause now that I know it makes perfect sense. Anyway, not sure how I feel about it. A little jealous, a little surprised and a little dissappointed in the match up. Not even my business at all, but I still have these feelings. So, last night Ihad a dream that we were having a party and I felt too drunk so I went up to my room and laid on my bed. A few minutes later, Jeff comes in and lays on the bed with me and we are talking and laughing and I feel okay with it even though I know Kipp is downstairs and its late. So, I just about to drift off to sleep when I realize he wants to kiss me so I do and it is very dissappointing. Like kissing a junior high boy who has never done it before. So, then I'm like Huh, well now I know. I think it means that I am getting to be a better judge of character but still want to find out things for myself sometimes. I think it also means I should not take Kipp for granted and maybe should start treating him a little better in the romance dept. Anyway, time for worky. more later.

Is it Friday Yet?

Have you ever just wanted towalk away from your life and never look back? I've been feeling that way a little lately. Seems like even though things are mostly on track, I have this feeling in the back of my mind that a storm is going to hit any time. I don't know why but I have been thinking lately alot about what my life would be like if I had made different choices. Like ones that involved trusing myself more and everyone else less. I suppose I am right where I am meant to be at this point but occassionally I have a hard time accepting that my life is what it is and its the only one I have. Just as an example, I went out yesterday and spent about 90.00 on some clothes for work. Not a tremendous amount of money and I got two shirts and three summer skirts. I shouldn't feel guilty about it, but somehow I do. I started thinking almost immediately that I didn't deserve them, that I didn't really need them ect...I was worried Kipp would be mad at me for spending the money and I agonized over it all afternoon. I hate that. I should be able to spend 100.00 on myself occasionally without ever feeling bad. I've been working really hard at my job and I'm excelling. I deserve a little treat for all that. It's not an easy job to do and sometimes its not all that fun either so if some new clothes make me happy I shoud be okay with it. Anyway, this is just one of many things I waste time feeling guilty about and I'm tired of it. I'm not excessive, I'm responsible. I deserve nice things and its okay to have them once in a while. So, I will wear the new skirt and smile while I do it knowing I worked hard these last four months to get where I am. Next time I meet a goal I will do the same.

Isi t Friday yet?

Thursday morning...I've been up for an hour and still feel sleepy. Having a hard time getting started this morning. I just want to stay home and put around the yard today. That's not going to happen though. Got to go working today. Jobs still good not much to report there. Had lunch with Jeff yesterday at a little place in Spokane called O Dougherty's bar and grill. Nice atmospere. Suppose to be like an Irish pub but the food was just so so. Nothing to write home about. ONe thing I will say about my job is it is putting my personality to the test. I spend all day talking to customers who sometimes are not very nice. Yesterday I had a woman who was really pushing my buttons just because she figured out she could. I don't care for that so my new focus is going to be on tatics to divert this kind of reaction in myself. I plan to go far with this job so I need to learn to not let people get under my skin.
Its the Summer Solstice today. Longest day of the year. I don't have any great plans except to sit on the balconey tonight and enjoy it. Maybe I will have a beer after work or something too but as far as anything else I am planning to wing it. I like to sit on the balconey and meditate while its dark out. Its so pleasant up there and you feel like no one can see you. TImes like that make me wish I still smoked. Nothing like just sitting in the cool darkness just listening to the night sounds. The dog likes it too. He goes out there during the night to check out any noises or anything he senses. Makes me feel pretty protected. He's a loyal guy.
Well, time for this working stiff to hit the shower. Then comes the never ending question of what to wear to work. I am so sick of my clothes right now. I feel like I have nothing to wear all the time and its not true. However I could use a few summer items in my wardrobe so I think I will try to remedy that this weekend. Go to Target or something on Saturday with Dan. He's been bugging me to take him out there.

GirlsGirls Girls

So last Friday night I went out with some friends from work. We all went down to this bar near the office and proceded to have a good time. Some of my other friends showed up(yes I have more than one set) and met my work friends. It went pretty well considering. I had about 5-6 beers which is enough to get me blasted. At this point I decided I'd better go home before I can no longer get there. So, I get to work yesterday and Jennie is just all atwitter to tell me what happened later. Turns out that two of the girls in our training class ended up making out with each other and then one of them made out with this guy from the office too. She is engaged and her fiance was there earlier. I guess he went home without her before all this happened. I was pretty shocked to tell the truth. I mean who does that? Now its getting around the office and they don't really even seem embarassed. I would be mortified. I don't think I would ever get that drunk before I started throwing up anyway. Long story short though I won't be hanging with that crowd anymore. It was kind of our last fling cause training is over now and we are settling down to the work. I'm starting to realize just how complicated this job really is. I got a few billing calls yesterday that I really struggled with. Its tough to go back through an account and figure out why we are billing what we are billing. Plus people don't understand it either so they get frustrated and upset about it. I suppose as time goes on I will get better at it. It just takes practice.
My personal life is getting a little better. Kipp seems to be feeling a little more on lately. I guess just leaving him to his own devices has helped. I've tried hard to pull back from him and not let his moods effect mine. Its not that easy to do because its in my nature to try and help. I need to realize that interfering with his path is not the right thing to do.
For my own self, I've been having more of a hard time doing the things I know I should like eating right and exercising regularly. These are two repeating patterns in my life that I get hardily sick of thinking about. I wish I could just discipline my self to do them every day. I do fine during the day, its at night when I am just hanging out that I tend to over do it. Maybe I need to have night time activities planned for myself so I don't do it. I don't know. Sometimes I just think fuck it, I want to eat what I want to eat. However, I know I can do better if I just place some effort into it and then I wouldn't crave all the crap. Its like I can only place my attention on one or two things at a time and thats it. Anyway, I need to get going and take the dog out for a walk. More later

Fathers Day

Today is Fathers Day and I forgot all about it until this morning. God my Dad was just here yesterday and I didn't even mention it. So, I am burning him some CDs and sending them in the mail. We had graduation party for Dan yesterday. Thats why my Dad was here. He came out for lunch along with some friends and family. A bunch of Dan's friends showed up too so it was a full house . I think everyone had a good time. We had alot of food and cake left over which I can't seem to stay away from. I am totally PMSing so I can't stop eating for the next four days or I will literally go up in flames. I get quite the appetite around this time of month. It doesn't help that there was a full moon on Friday so I felt extra wacky from that too. Oh well, I gotta be me. Not much to report, just writing to keep it up and get some stuff out of my brain. We actually got some chores done around here today. One of our poor dogs had lice and we didn't know it cause she needed a hair cut pretty bad . I spent my morning dealing with that and then the subsequent clean up. That was the better part of two hours. Then we cleaned a little and moved some furniture around. I did get a two hour nap in around three which was heavenly. I rarely take a nap as I think sleeping in the day time is wasting what little free time I have but it felt good! I think I can manage to make it through another Monday if I don't stay up too late. So now I am just finishing with burning these CD's. I hope to get a couple more loads of laundry done so I have some clothes to wear tomorrow. More exciting adventures on the next episode of Wiiittcchh innnn theeee Ciiiiitttttyyyyyy.........................