If I had a little money

Woke up this morning worrying about money. Never seems to go away. I am searching so much for other meaning in life. Seems like everyone is so caught up in the rat race and I know there is more to our existance here than that. It seems so monotonous at times to just be waiting for some other day when things will be better. I want to commit to making every day good because I know in my heart that's what its about. Doing the best you can with what you have and letting go of yesterday. I have a terrible time with letting go. I like to sit around a dwell on the past and feel guilty about things I didn't do instead of focusing on what I can do know this minute. It's immaturity I suppose. Crying over what can't be changed.
So, yesterday I got up and went on a long walk with my husband and our dog. Its getting pretty cold outside now. We should get snow anytime. We like getting out though. Now that I am working again its hard to get in the amount of activity I need to keep my new weight down. I have been eating like crazy too. I know I am letting my stress control me instead of managing my stress like I should. The first place I turn is to food when I get in an uncomfortable situation. At least I am recongnizing it but the harder I try the more I eat. So, today I will walk again and get in a a couple miles and then watch myself all week with the food. I am up for a different job and part of my stress is waiting for the final answer even though I am 99% sure I will get it.
Yesterday afternoon I took my son to the mall for a little shopping. He needed a coat and I wanted to get my daughter's Christmas shopping started. I got her a cute sweater and some pajamas so far. She likes that . I think I will get her some Christmas decor of her own since she is in her own place now. I really miss her and wish she would come home soon or I could go there. Its so expensive to go. Maybe after the new year Dan and I will go together. She is moving into a bigger place soon and will want me to come see it. I'm happy for her that she is finding her way and having a good time. I feel somewhat lost myself since both of them are almost grown and I didn't get to have them for so long. I hope that I get grandkids that will visit alot. I cant' wait.
So, for the rest of yesterday I cooked a huge meal for us since we went to Kipp's moms for Thanksgiving. That was pretty fun and no one yelled at anyone for a change. I guess we are all growing up. The kids we just completely crazy and loud but that's par for the course. I kind of wish there were more of them but that's the way it goes. They are fun but its good to go home without them too. Anyway, I am just feeling a little down since so many parts of my life are up in the air right now. We are in the process of getting back on track financially but it takes so long and the waiting for the job is killing me. I think I need to walk and meditate. Acceptance of where you are is key and I want to learn the lessons that are being offered. I don't believe that you go through a year like the last one for no reason. It happens because you are off course and need to reexamine what it is you are trying to accomplish. Basically why am I here and what am I contributing. At this point I have to say I don't know. I wish I did............................................................