Expect the Unexpected

Well, the title of this post says it all. Last week I found out I am six weeks pregnant. I'm 37yrs old, unemployed and broke. Isn't that always the way.. So, it has been an interesting time around the old McDonald farm. Tension has been running high over finances etc... but we have kind of settled down now and are making a plan. It's really quite exciting but mind boggling as well. We tried to have a baby for about 9yrs with no results. No doctor could figure out why and we finally gave up. I had a tummy tuck last year and now of course blammo!! What the FU%%%%%? God has a HUGE sense of humor. So anyway, we are getting used to the idea. I am really hoping for a girl. I would love to have one more daughter as I have one from a previous marriage who is 20yrs old and a son who's 17yrs old. I am trying to just relish every moment and enjoy this unexpected gift and complication with an open mind and heart. Hard to do but I am doing my best.
On to other topics, my workouts are steady and my diet has come to a halt now. Still walking a ton though which is good for the kiddo. My garden is starting to come up and the weather here is slowly warming. I feel like I am dying for heat. The cold has become tiresome and I'm ready for the sunshine. By August we'll all be complaining its too much but for now Come on HEAT!!
We have decided to sell our pickup to reduce some of our monthly expenses. Kipp is kind of bummed but it was his choice so I think he will feel good about it later. We still have our Durango which is totally plush. Nice to have such a sweet ride! This photo is my friend Curt who worked with me at my last job. He's a hoot. I love him to death and really miss seeing him and his weirdness every day. Hes a cool dude. The guy on the left is my crazy husband riding his snowmobile in Idaho. He does deep snow hill climb riding. This is a Skidoo summit 700 that he bought last fall which is his most prized possesion.

Big Trouble in Little China

Now that's a great picture. Chloe is my 4yrs old niece and Justice is my niece who is 7yrs old in this picture. They are both a couple years older now but still just as silly. This was Christmas and they are wearing a coat of my mother-in-laws that all of them just think is the coolest thing ever. It is kind of but weird too. I believe the house is in Clarkston WA where my husbands brother llives. These are two awesome little girls who are going to really wreck some havic in a few years. Its inevitable. That's the kind of family we are and that's the kind of girls we got! Love em anyway and be there to help em out when they need it. Don't let those cute smiles fool you, they probably have a machine gun under there and the keys to their get away car.

Friday Friday Evenin

Well, finally I've made it to Thursday. Not that I have any tough schedule to keep at this point but that is what working people say after Wednesday No? The company I'm with is finally starting to take off so I actually do have work to do now. Still my schedule is really loose which makes it an opportune time to make some changes and come out the other side brand new. I'm almost thru my second week of the Body for Life challenge. The working out is going great. I'm walking everyday now for 11 days in a row and have started lifting weights again. The food is another issue all together. I have thought and thought about why I continue to sabotage my efforts here. The only thing I can come up with is some sort of fear of change. I don't understand it. One thing that occurred to me is that I am very uncomfortable with male attention from strangers. Even with people I know I can get very uncomfortable if I get any weird vibes. I also eat when I'm nervous or excited. An emotional eater Dr. Phil would day. What you need to do is change your life!! Well no shit Phil If only it were that easy! I am starting to dig and do the work to find out why so hopefully I will get some answers soon.
Another interesting aspect to my life right now is that I am toying around with studying Wicca. Its been hit and miss but I do love the idea behind it. The premise is that we are all part of a huge energy chain and that respect and honor for the earth are of utmost importance. Once I found this information and started reading, I was hooked. It lines up with what I think exactly and I love the mental control it offers you. Knowing that the power to change your reality is directly inside you is a hugely empowering idea. Especially for women. I spend time daily meditating and trying to be open to what might be. Its alot harder than you think because as modern humans we are always trying to control our environment and bodies and thoughts etc.....instead of taking what comes in stride and living in the moment as we should. Anyway, its been a really freeing experience for me at this point in my life when I needed to calm down and think rationally after five long long years working in a high stress environment. Now, I can work towards something new with a clearer head and hopefully find something I love.

Kidszzzzzzzzzzzzz

This is a photo of me and my daughter at her high school graduation. We are not Hawaiian but her step-mother is hence the lei. This was a very very hot day in Tacoma WA. We spent the afternoon at the Pike st Market and ate at Anthony's on the pier that night. Big Day for little Chelsea!

Another one Bites the Dust

Well, I made it thru another day of dieting without maiming anyone to badly. I walked my five miles and ate reasonably well. I have a hard time not eating at night. Right around 7 or 8 I want a bowl of cereal or something. So, I haven't lost a pound as of yet but I can feel the changes. My legs look marginally better and my pants are fitting a little better. It's so frustrating when you've worked so hard to see no number change. I have to get in the mind set that I am doing this to finish the twelve weeks, not lose weight. That will just be a side effect, this is about accomplishing a goal. The one thing that I really suck at is follow thru and I want to prove to myself once and for all that I do the things I set out to do!!!!!!! Damn it Mother Fucker get your ass moving and do the thing you need to do!!!!!!!Its a hardcore PMS day and that bitchy voice is mighty stident this morning. My poor husband is probably hiding in the basement as we speak. I swear I went of the pill and lost my damn mind. My moods are unbelievable around this time. Its tempting to go back on. I'm doing this organic thing right now trying to repair a lifetime of damage in three months of course. One of the requirements is that I take no prescription medication of any kind. Not that I really did anyway, but the pill was the biggie. Actually the patch but anyway same diff. I have an extremely low chance of pregnancy so it was more of a thing to clear up my skin and keep me sane.


Black tail swishing
water flowing
fishes gliding
whiskers trembling
bodies darting
Randall is watching the fish

The photo is my son age 16

What my cat Randall thinks about all day

Hey, psst...did you see that squirrel?? There..right there.........see him. Wow that is makin my tail puff out!!! Did you see the size of that thing???? Scratch my head, come on, scratch my head....right there oh yeah...Open the window, the window, no the window....Oh my God was that a baby Robin????I am going out of my mind, I've got to figure a way out of here....The dog the dog, the stupid dog. Hey dog!! HEY DOG!! Don't you have to go out? That's what I thought, good boy, that's it, that's it open that door up just a little more now I'm making my break oh man I think I'm gonna make it, almost there..........................Shit *&^^%$^%&&& That chick is faster than she looks. Open the window K come on the window...............a fly did you see that fly where'd it go, the ceiling, that coat, the window sill. I wonder if that catbox is clean yet, I better get down there at top speed for no apparent reason.....

One more thing

One more thing, My son is now living with me as of Jan this year. He is a great kid driving my crazy by piercing everything in sit and dying his hair but all in all so happy to have him here. He's a very talented guitar player and loves music. Being pretty musical myself, I really believe he has the talent to go far if he wants to. Anyway, I'm one of those cool mom's who doesn't mind loud music, so he gets to play alot. Dan's a junior now and struggling in school a little. He a procrastinator just like me so the student does not apply himself. I told him its up to him to turn it around since no amount of yelling is really going to change anything. He spent the weekend catching up so I feel proud that he did it on his own. Anyway, enough of the Mommy gushing. Its a little belated for me since he lived with his Dad most of his life. I'm such a dork, I actually bought him new pajamas as a gift when he moved in. I think he liked it but I felt lame....

Wow- it has been an incredibly long time since I posted here. Last post is dated 2004. I was working for Pemco Insurance when I started. Now I am self employed and spending most of my time at home. Its a weird existance. I don't work everyday at this point and I don't have much money right now so I spend alot of time just puttering around like an old person. Yesterday I went thru all my clothes and finally got rid of the last of my corporate attire. I'll tell you one thing, I don't miss panty hose. Those babies are specifically designed to inflict permanent damage to your waist! Nothing like eating a nice big lunch and then going back to your desk to sit for another four hours with your midsection in a vice grip! I don't know about your office but at mine they were required but only for the girls of course.................so, I'm trying to lose weight. Again. So far so good. I walked over 30 miles in the last 7 days which is great. I'm eating okay so that's helping. I'm trying really hard to just focus on one day at a time. Like an AA program really only my fix is Cadbury minieggs instead of a shot of Jack. I'm a real self sabotager and this morning that voice in my head is loud and bitchy! I get so sick of listening to the stream of shit that seems to be whispering in the background constantly. Not like I'm mental or something but if you pay attention you realize that you say negative things to yourself all day long. Without even realizing it you tell yourself all sorts of crazy shit that isn't even true. It fascinates me that the human mind works that way. I have the kind of mind that is always looking for the disaster instead of believing in the miracle. The single hardest thing I have done is try to conquer and silence that voice. She's not having it I tell ya. She's a mouthy loud negative bitch and it is time for her to go....what I want out of this is the motivation to finally break thru this barrier of self doubt and low confidence in my ability to accomplish big tasks. I didn't get overweight in a couple weeks so it stands to reason it's going to take a bit to get it off. It's been a harsh truth to look in the mirror and admit to what I look like. I'm one of those women who's body is shaped like Marilyn Monroe so I carry it well, but I have been 40lbs overweight for the past 16yrs really. I never took off any of my pregnancy weight and have failed everytime I've tried to lose since then. I've never really truly believed in my heart that I was important in the world. I've recently realized that maybe I was sent here for something important but it can't be realized until I get myself in balance. So, that's my mission. To get in really good shape and eat healthier for the moment. Not going to worry about anything but right now .