Wow- it has been an incredibly long time since I posted here. Last post is dated 2004. I was working for Pemco Insurance when I started. Now I am self employed and spending most of my time at home. Its a weird existance. I don't work everyday at this point and I don't have much money right now so I spend alot of time just puttering around like an old person. Yesterday I went thru all my clothes and finally got rid of the last of my corporate attire. I'll tell you one thing, I don't miss panty hose. Those babies are specifically designed to inflict permanent damage to your waist! Nothing like eating a nice big lunch and then going back to your desk to sit for another four hours with your midsection in a vice grip! I don't know about your office but at mine they were required but only for the girls of course.................so, I'm trying to lose weight. Again. So far so good. I walked over 30 miles in the last 7 days which is great. I'm eating okay so that's helping. I'm trying really hard to just focus on one day at a time. Like an AA program really only my fix is Cadbury minieggs instead of a shot of Jack. I'm a real self sabotager and this morning that voice in my head is loud and bitchy! I get so sick of listening to the stream of shit that seems to be whispering in the background constantly. Not like I'm mental or something but if you pay attention you realize that you say negative things to yourself all day long. Without even realizing it you tell yourself all sorts of crazy shit that isn't even true. It fascinates me that the human mind works that way. I have the kind of mind that is always looking for the disaster instead of believing in the miracle. The single hardest thing I have done is try to conquer and silence that voice. She's not having it I tell ya. She's a mouthy loud negative bitch and it is time for her to go....what I want out of this is the motivation to finally break thru this barrier of self doubt and low confidence in my ability to accomplish big tasks. I didn't get overweight in a couple weeks so it stands to reason it's going to take a bit to get it off. It's been a harsh truth to look in the mirror and admit to what I look like. I'm one of those women who's body is shaped like Marilyn Monroe so I carry it well, but I have been 40lbs overweight for the past 16yrs really. I never took off any of my pregnancy weight and have failed everytime I've tried to lose since then. I've never really truly believed in my heart that I was important in the world. I've recently realized that maybe I was sent here for something important but it can't be realized until I get myself in balance. So, that's my mission. To get in really good shape and eat healthier for the moment. Not going to worry about anything but right now .