Thursday morning. Work week is almost over and tomorrows payday. Yippee...Not that I get to keep much. Finances continue to be a struggle lately but Spring will be here in no time so I'm not really worried as long as we keep paying the house payment. I like my job now so I wil stay there as long as I can for the moment.
I have written in this journal for three days in a row without fail. I think I am trying to develope a routine but I don't really want to say it outloud. I'm much more focused now that I am treating my anxiety and that is helping me alot. The sleep I am getting is amazing really. I go to bed and crash out like the dead until the alarm goes off. I love that . It so nice to just sleep without any interuption. I didn't realize that the quality I was getting before was so bad. I used to wake up all the time and then start to worry so I couldn't go back to sleep. Its kind of like I have been set free. Just being able to take problems and challenges as they come is something I have never in my life experienced. I am planning to start a new course of study soon to teach myself even more about herbs and alternative treatments for health too. I am very interested in building a little sweat lodge so I can try that out. I want to get my self as detoxified as I can because I believe that it impacts your brain function so much. Its like having a cloud lifted a little bit at a time so that you can see the full brightness of the sun. Its time for me to start casting circle again too so that I can develope my mind to be stronger and more controllable. I know now that your mind must be controlled or it will control you and that is no fun. Training yourself to think in a certain pattern is a matter of self control which I have never had either so I am looking forward to working on it. I just need a little more time in my day without interuption. I wish I had a little room of my own to work out of.
Last night I dreamt that Cheryl and I were taking a little trip together. We bought some plane tickets to California and took this really huge plane with white leather seats inside like a private jet would. When we got to our destination, I realize that with as far along as she is in her pregnancy they probably weren't going to let us fly back. Oddly enough this didn't worry me and I decided I would walk back. I don't know where Cheryl went at this point but the dream switched to me and Kipp walking up a very steep hill with packs on our backs. I was actually like a rail bed and it was very hot out. We had to climb up and over the side of a wooden blockade of some sort and then the rotten fence kept breaking off in my hand making it very hard to climb over. I could sense that Kipp was getting pretty upset with me so I was trying even harder but couldn't do it. Then the dream switched to a family gathering where I had lost Kipp's aunt Teresa's dog. I was suppose to bring him back from this trip with me but somehow he wandered off without me realizing it. This dog was a big Boxer type dog. Then I am watching the TV and I see him on the petfinder channel at a Boxer rescue and I get very excited and tell everyone but they don't seem to respond then I realize its not the same dog and I feel upset that I have lost him.
I suppose this dream means that I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle with my relationship and myself. Its hard but I am still trying. Don't know about the part with Cheryl or the dog. However, the dog has been a recurring theme for the past three nights. Maybe it signifies some sort of loyalty but not sure if it pertains to me or someone else.
Time to get ready for work. More tomorrow.
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