Yule Bryner

Well, its one week until Christmas and I have done virtually no planning for anything. I want to have a little yule celebration but I just haven't had the time or money to put one together. My sister will be here next week so I would like to have some fun with her around but I just don't know where I will fit it in. The holidays come and go so fast and I really haven't been in the mood this year. Just too much going on in my life to think about it really. I'm looking back on this year and it is amazing how quickly it went by and how horrible it really was. We are making it though and feel like we are slowly healing. I have learned alot of hard lessons growing out of old habits and trying to take on new ones.
I didn't sleep well last night because I smoked when I got home. Don't know why, I don't enjoy it anymore but old habits die hard I suppose. So I will string together more time so I can finally conquer that one noose around my neck that I really want to get rid of . I don't like having crutches. I want more control over myself than that. I don't remember any dreams from last night so I won't post them today.
I'm staying with Cheryl's kids tonight. Thought about taking them downtown to see the tree and santa maybe. The park is all lit up and so are the streets. I was also thinking of taking them on a carriage ride if its not too expensive. I think it might even be free. That would be very cool. Parking around down there could be a pain though. We'll see how I feel after work I guess. We've been busy out there right up until 5pm every night this week. Last week for shipping and getting it there on time guaranteed.
Well, I'd better get going as I don't really have much insight today worth talking about. I did meditate last night for about 10 minutes and I am sticking to writing. We also actually left the house last night and went up to Shawn and Leslie's for a little bit. They are having a big party next weekend, but we will be out of town so can't go. Little Damon was up there, he is getting so big and talking so well. I really hope his Dad can pull it together and keep him safe and happy. He seems to be trying really hard since his girlfriend died. Just another reason to sober up and take back my own life. I want to make something of myself so that I don't feel I've wasted the time I've been given. Even if it is just reaching some sort of enlightenment and cultivating great relationships, that will be enough but its time to do something more...